I chose three for 3 reasons: community, personal space, and intimacy. Loving as three people presented an opportunity to correct some of the pains of loving as two – the control, the expectations – and add layers of richness as it did. I felt like a relationship with three people had potential to be exponentially […]
Category: Heartbreak and grief
Once you find someone in the world who makes sense to you…
…there’s no going back to who you were before. It’s like, as long as nobody makes sense, it’s easy to just keep trying to figure yourself out, even long after you feel pretty fine with who you are. But getting the chance to know just one incredible person who is your kind of weirdo instantly […]
The audacity of normal after loss
I talk about the end of my last romantic relationship like a death. It was essentially like knowing someone really special in your life has a month to live and then seeing them disappear in a moment, and that felt like a small (or not so small) death to me. We knew about a month […]
Don’t take advice from crackpots on the internet
This is my standing disclaimer for any stupid shit I advocate for on this site. Be smart. Listen to yourself and people you trust to help you make good choices. Don’t take advice from crackpots like me on the internet unless you’ve really considered and vetted your moves. That’s all.
You aren’t getting my fucking lemon zester
Today I had two conversations with people who are in the process of separating assets with a partner. Both live in places with 50/50 laws around these things. That law means that you call the time of the death on the partnership, tally up the assets at that moment and either negotiate trades or liquify […]
A different kind of complete
“I am going to pray for you,” she said, with a sparkle in her eye. “I’m going to pray to the Buddha that a nice man comes along and loves you and brings goodness and companionship to your life.” It was hard to hear. “That’s so lovely of you. But truly, my life is so […]
The loyalty of leaving
When I was younger, I felt deeply and strongly that if you love someone, you never leave them. You stick by them, you help them, you accept them, you do anything for them, you give them anything you have. I now believe with even more fervent depth and strength that there is a higher love […]
The spiral of grief
“For in grief nothing ‘stays put’. One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral? But if a spiral, am I going up or down it? …how often will the vast emptiness astonish me […]
Love is a giver
I used to only know entanglement and I thought it was love. There was love in there, for certain. Sometimes lots. But it was a love I felt owed me things, heavy with expectations. It was love designed for getting from. This is different. The love doesn’t change when he’s gone. I still feel […]
Healing yourself with a can of gasoline and a book of matches
Do not underestimate the power of rock bottom. Rock bottom is where everything becomes possible. And while none of us needs to visit there more than once or twice in a lifetime, when it’s your turn, just let go and stop trying to save yourself. Race down as fast as you can. We all have […]