Let’s stop getting all catywhompus about the profound importance of mornings.

You have one thing you need to do in this life.  Just one.  Are you ready?  Here it is:

Your only fucking job in this life is to manifest you, as only you can, exactly how you are, in the most genuine and courageous way possible, given the context you find yourself in, you catastrophic, messy masterpiece, you.

So let’s lay off torturing you about mornings and how you deal with them.  Maybe you love them.  I do.  I always have.  I wake up early without an alarm, immediately take a shit or two, and find myself full-on fired up about the day and ready to go.

However, try to have a smart conversation with me at 4pm – all you get is grunts and drooling.  Try to get me to do something fun at 11pm.  I’m useless.  Mornings are what I get, so I don’t waste them.

But mornings might be terrible and difficult for you.  If they are, they probably always have been.  THEY ALWAYS WILL BE.  Stop trying to change yourself and get on with the things you are good at – when you are best able to do them.

For your morning-hating pleasure, here are some things you can tell to go fuck themselves:

Breakfast

Unless you sell cereal for a living, it is not the most important meal of the day.  You know what is the most important meal of the day?  The one you are hungry for.  The one that follows the previous one you were hungry for and decided to skip.  Eat when you are hungry, sometimes.  Skip eating when you are hungry sometimes.  Never eat when you aren’t hungry.  And consider the many benefits of intermittent fasting (Google it up, yo).

Gratitude, mantras, goal setting, and affirmations

Gratitude is just one way to remember that life is not so bad.  Some people dig it. I prefer to accomplish the same thing through curiosity and generally not giving a fuck.

Goals are just setting you on a path toward something you can already conceive of, which means inherently repeating history.  Trade your goals in for relentless minute-by-minute honesty and you’ll end up somewhere better that you didn’t even know existed.

Mantras and affirmations build internal distrust because you aren’t stupid.  So getting up in your own face and lying to yourself about what’s true just makes some part of you distrust some other part of you.  Stop it.  If you aren’t good enough or smart enough, and if people don’t actually like you, just accept that and decide what you want to do about it. Ignoring reality doesn’t change it.  It just delays the results and keeps you from moving on.

Working out

My love for mornings doesn’t travel below my ribcage.  My brain is incredibly clear and productive, but I can’t handle food and exercise feels like absolute cruelty.  Sex is still delicious, but that’s an always truth. 😊  But later in the day, when I start getting stupider, I can hit it like an animal and love it.  Exercise is our friend, yes.  But do something that feels right and nurturing to you for where you are in a moment. Maybe a slow walk.  Maybe rolling around on the floor.  Maybe doing the robot naked in the bathroom (I am getting a little better at it, btw).

Getting up

Let’s get science on this.  People have different internal clocks.  Have you ever tried your day on your own temporal terms?  Your productivity was incredible that day, wasn’t it?  While you may not be able to rearrange your world this minute, why not start planting some seeds and seeing what’s possible?

What if you started later and stayed later?  Or worked in a couple of chunks with a break in between?  Employers love productivity.  They also love taking breaks and knowing people are on at different times.  More coverage, more output, more happiness, better relationships, happier team.  Families love you better when you aren’t grumpy too.  Make the case for what you need.  Start the day later.  Be accountable for showing the value of it.  Try being true to yourself and eventually people will get on board, or the people and things that don’t match with you will wander away in frustration and give way to those who think you are brilliant and perfect.

In summary…

Listen to yourself and act in ways that are true to yourself, not just the big ways, but in all the ways.  Mornings will happen whether you are there or not.  And I need someone to be smart at 4pm.  I’ve got mornings covered.  You sleep in.  It’ll work out better for everyone, you grumpy coffee hound.