I used to only know entanglement and I thought it was love.  There was love in there, for certain.  Sometimes lots.  But it was a love I felt owed me things, heavy with expectations.  It was love designed for getting from.

This is different.  The love doesn’t change when he’s gone.  I still feel full and happy, and sometimes very sad, but rich and right.  It is still right here, not changing with time.  It doesn’t change if I literally get nothing back. No words, no hugs, no anything. I don’t even know if I am loved or hated in return. I don’t need to.  It doesn’t matter.

Eventually, my heart will get bigger and while his place won’t change, it will leave more room by becoming small relative to the whole.  But this love is like Christmas, when you wake up excited to watch people open the presents you gave them rather than to count your own loot.  The giving is the fulfilling part.  And the receiving and accepting is the generous part.  I love that I finally know how to do both.  <3

And I really love that I have so many beautiful people to learn from and practice with every day, sometimes while on conference calls.