Anger is the manifestation of you thinking something should be different than it is.

Test it out.

A brilliant friend told me this at exactly the right moment, many years ago.  I righteously disagreed with him and then started observing – and there were no exceptions.  Anger is always the manifestation of you thinking something should be different than it is.

This means that the simple act of seeing things as they actually are = freedom, peace, and power to move obstacles.

Shit ain’t about you

While we have power over how we respond to (and prepare for) the ways things are, it can be tempting to think that the ways things are is somehow a response to the ways WE are.  I think that’s part of what makes bad stuff so exhausting.  But that’s just self-important hoohaa.  Things just ARE.  It isn’t about you pretty much at all.

Here are some examples of things that have literally nothing to do with you, your worth, your past choices, your ability to love and be loved, your potential, what you deserve, justice, the size of your ass, how much money you have, etc.  They are, however, all about things – and people – being just exactly whatever they are – and they apply to everyone from Einstein to Heidi Klum to your dog.  Literally.

Let’s say it again.  These things don’t have FUCK ALL to do with you.  They just happen.

• Someone doing mean things to you
• People you love dying
• The weather
• People you love leaving you
• Being stolen from
• Bad timing
• Not getting what you may have earned
• The stock market
• Bad luck
• Getting cut off in traffic
• Health issues
• Unforeseen expenses
• Being disappointed
• Other yucky things

It’s a brave little bit of emotional alchemy. Once the fury and fire clear, there’s usually something more true, more raw, and much more useful underneath it.  It is often grief, sometimes fear, usually sadness, always something.

But from this more peaceful, more genuine, sometimes riskier and more personal place, challenge yourself to take wise and thoughtful action.  Deal with the truth of things, not your indignance about not getting what you wanted.  Destruction can always lead to creation if you choose to exercise your agency over circumstance.  And you have the power to file A LOT of ugly stuff under ‘circumstance’ if you chose to.